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MeL

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[08 Jun 2010|07:03pm]
bought and sold.
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writing everyday, there are no words for how it feels [16 Feb 2010|03:03pm]
I went to the bank yesterday.
A lady at the ATM told me it was closed. Federal Holiday.
Three years of working at a bank and it's already out of my system.
I laughed and drove back to work. My new job.
This job...I love it here, I love the people.
I love the QUIET. All I can hear is my keyboard.
And Jenny Lewis if I need some inspiration.
I'm not covering news stories, or writing opinion articles.
But I'm writing. Everyday.
No power hungry boss in my face. No more worrying about nickles and dimes.
My new boss assigns me work and then goes jogging. Or Yoga on Fridays.
It feels comfortable, already.
(1).orders. can i take your order?

i know sorry doesn't mean much, but I am. [04 Oct 2009|03:16pm]
you know that thing about judging a book by its cover?
well, it's true.

And even after you read it you still might not know the whole story.

Sometimes you see that the villain in the story is just human
Sometimes the villain might even be the hero.

Sometimes you find the real villain is you.
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People I've Been/People I Miss [16 Jul 2009|10:59pm]
I was re-reading some of my old posts today and it was like reading someone else's journal. All the people that I've been, all the pain and happiness that I've written about...somehow it doesn't seem like it was ever really me. One girl wrote. Not with any particular passion or skill, she just wrote what she saw and felt and it was as easy as breathing. One girl loved openly, stubbornly, and although she was misguided most of the time, she had a multitude of friends, lovers and family in her heart. Another girl was bitter, one was forgiving, vengeful, and even one was a dreamer.

I don't see myself as any of these people anymore. I wanted to comfort a friend who comforted me when I was one of those girls mentioned above. But I didn't have the words, even days later I don't know what I could say and I realized I haven't written anything of merit in years. I haven't loved anything or anyone with the fervor that I once did. Today my friends are dwindling away separated by cities, states and admittedly my coldness. All of my relationships crash and burn and I have to wonder, is it me? Is my heart closed off? Is it too damaged? Is there something a man sees in me that lets him know this?

So which one of those girls am I? Am I none of them, all of them...its hard to say. Even if people can change, is it a real difference or a subtle variation of who you always were?

My name is Melody Gandy.
I'm a college graduate.
I have three best friends. Well maybe we're not that close anymore.
I have a boyfriend. The minute I let him in I'll lose him.
These people don't really know me though because I don't know me.

And maybe that's the point of it all.
The lover in me left her heart in San Diego and the writer in me found her inspiration heading North.
Maybe the people in our lives aren't thtere to define you, but to help you define yourself.
To help you find your voice. Or the right words.
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I've been kind of lonely lately. [07 Mar 2009|02:11pm]
I don't have any strong connections anymore. Nobody who will just talk to me instead of asking how I am all the time.
The only people I talk to lately are just waiting for their turn to speak.

I thougt I needed a friend. A really good friend.
But it turns out that I don't.
I don't need anybody.

So thank you for that.
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Finally [06 Dec 2008|01:43am]
It feels good to have a cheering section.
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Flavors [10 Mar 2008|09:39pm]
I'm waiting in line for the ice cream truck
I've got chocolate on my mind, my tastebuds are singing
the ice cream man can't make up his mind about his flavors
"The strawberry's been out for far too long and I'm afraid
vanilla wasn't mixed properly. It's filled with chunks of
ice and frozen food coloring and I wouldn't want to risk
hurting your stomach or your teeth."
I ask, "What about chocolate? That's what I really want,
strawberry and vanilla are good but I've always thought
chocolate to be the sweetest flavor."
"Well the chocolate is ready and churned just right
but I don't know if you'll like it or if it's really
what you want. There's so many different flavors
I'd like to explore before we make this decision
could you wait a little more?
I'd hate to disappoint you or lose your good business."
I replied, "I'm sorry but you've taken up to much of my time.
I love your ice cream but they'll be other trucks
along some day."
As he rattled off more excuses I stepped out of line.

I'm sorry but I'm giving up my place in line.
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Preparations [13 Feb 2008|10:19pm]
7:15
She curls her hair just right, applies makeup. Light, but noticeable.
7:25
She slips on her black skirt, over her thighs, fabric brushing skin. The new blouse compliments her form, the clickety-clack shoes give her confidence.
7:45
In the car. The feel of the engine courses through her body. She smiles gracefully. His eyes are fixed on the road. His hands clench the wheel.
8:30
Caesar salads. Stuffed shells. Warm marinara, rich tomatoes. Her hand reaches out for his arm. They connect. Shocks of anticipation rise up inside of her and it's vivid, this feeling. The shape of his jaw, the promise his lips send to her own makes her feel giddy with desire and ready, so ready to let herself go completely and give in to the tingles. Her body is alive, every cell tingles in a single unified cry of longing for more, it sinks down inside of her settling by her hips, the cry is louder now for more, more of this man, for his hands to learn the grooves of her body, its louder now, its getting so fucking louder she can barely stand it. Rejection. He pulls away
9:45
Awkward goodbyes. Eyes downcast she walks upstairs to her apartment, alone. He speeds away and doesn't promise to call.
9:50
She takes off the clickety-clack shoes. Next the blouse falls to the floor, the skirt drops to her ankles.
9:53
She stands in front of the mirror, stripped. Rigid and ugly, smeared makeup. Light, but noticeable.
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Wide Awake... [03 Oct 2007|07:34pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

This is the first day of my life.
I swear I was born right in the doorway.
I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
They're spreading, blankets on the beach.

Yours is the first face that I saw.
I think I was blind before I met you.
I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go.

So I thought I'd let you know,
These things take forever, I especially am slow.
But I realized that I need you,
And I wondered if I could come home.

Remember the time you drove all night,
Just to meet me in the morning?
And I thought it was strange,
You said everything changed.
You felt as if you had just woke up.
And you said, "This is the first day of my life.
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you.
But now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you,
And I'd probably be happy."

So if you want to be with me,
With these things there's no telling,
We just have to wait and see.
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Then waiting to win the lottery.

Besides maybe this time it's different.
I mean, I really think you like me.


I hope you do.

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Faith (for lack of a less redundant title) [23 Sep 2007|11:24am]
"Faith: not wanting to know what is true." - Nietzsche

I've never understood how people can have absolute faith in something so much that they just throw out all reason. The most obvious example would be God. He either exists or He doesn't and there's plenty of evidence to support both cases. But in my opinion everything that reason has taught me tells me that He can't possibly exist. Religious people will tell me that it is all a matter of faith. Believing in something is fine, but there is a problem with BLIND faith that won't let you accept any other possibilities. And I think I'm guilty of that.

Not in the religious sense, believe me I have my questions about God and His actions. I'm speaking more about life and how sometimes I tend to get through it by lying to myself. The truth is, at least REASON tells me that most of the things I want will not happen. I want so desperately to believe that Love is alive and that it will be mine again, someday. But maybe its dead. Maybe I'm hanging on to a corpse and the longer I do the harder it will be for me to heal. But it just feels like letting go is the same as admitting that I've lost the fight.

Nietzsche also said that faith proves nothing. If that's true I guess I'm wasting my time.
(1).orders. can i take your order?

The One In San Bernadino [25 Apr 2006|06:48pm]
>>>I've done a very bad thing.
(2).orders. can i take your order?

The One With My Route [15 Mar 2005|10:12pm]
>>>Does anybody know if there's any possible bus (Metro, Amtrak, Greyhound or whatever) I can take to get from here (Downey/ LA County whatever) to Santa Barbara? Is Santa Barbara in Ventura County? Important questions that need answers people!!!!
>>>Thanks for caring
>>>Cha
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The One Where I Write And You Read [11 Mar 2005|09:41pm]
[ mood | restless ]

>>>I'm gonna post an excerpt of this story called "The Garden" and if yal like it, I'll post an excerpt every week until it's done and then I'll tell you who wrote it. Oh, and the reason I'm doing this whole thing in the first place. Cha. If I don't get any request to post more, we'll just scrap the whole little dealio then won't we, eh?

>>>I hope I don't bore you...Collapse )

(2).orders. can i take your order?

The One With My Sis And Her Kid [28 Feb 2005|12:16am]

>>>Can't you see it from my point of view?Collapse )

(1).orders. can i take your order?

The One With Talia [26 Feb 2005|09:01pm]
[ mood | okay ]

 

Let in the maid, that out a maid, never departed moreCollapse )

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The One With My Birthday!!! [29 Jan 2005|01:54am]
[ mood | happy ]

>>>Mmm naggity!!! Fun times at Jack in the crack on Thursday, January 27th! The greatest day in the history of greatest days!

>>>Everybody who showed up...good job! And thanx for the hugs, cheesecake, signs, crowns, shirts, bracelets, cake and giraffes!

 

>>>You KNOW you wanna take a peek :)Collapse )

(8).orders. can i take your order?

The One With Memento [28 Nov 2004|04:31pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

>>>I feel trippy
>>>I think Teddy was telling the truth
>>>Leonard really IS Sammy Jenkis!!!

(4).orders. can i take your order?

The One With Leftovers [11 Oct 2004|08:56pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

>>>Today was real boring. Man second perios seemed like it would never end. But I got an A on my econ test cuz I'm what? Pimpster! That's right. OK, no. Then I had to TA for Overgaw and I had nothing to do so I got 2 read for AP which was LUCKY cuz we had a test on da damn reading. Then I had to listen to Mr. Hodges boring ass for trig. I think we get the work better than he does sometimes. And we had a test in psych so cha.
>>>I need to sell my carwash tickets like nobody's bizz!
>>>I need 2 buy my homecoming ticket like yesterday!
>>>I was soooooooo happy today when I found out my ma didn't cook. She cooked yesterday and I love having leftovers! CHAness!!! Leftovers are tightitous cuz freezing things just gives it its own natural flavor don't ya think? Yeah-UH.
>>>I'm going to sleep early 2nite for the first time in...ever!!!
>>>Don't wake me bitches

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The One With SATs....Part II [09 Oct 2004|06:43pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

>>>I'm such a dork. Yup yup. I woke up at 6:30 dis morning and got ready 2 go take da SATs. I was driving along happily in my car listening to K Earth 101(cuz it was too early for rock or rap) and I got lost trying to find South Gate High. First i ended up at freakign South Gate Middle School, then a electric builidng(don't ask) and almost ran out of gas before I found da school. I was packed into this bungalow w/ only 1 person from Downey. Cha. Then we only got one break and I didn't have to use da bathroom then but after I did and she gave us a one minute break and we couldn't leave the room. I had to pee like a monster!!! The test was muy dificil yo. I didn't finish one part of the math portion and that freaked me out for the rest of the test. Even the analogy portion was hard. And I'm usually good at stuff like that.
>>>I got a lot to do this week. Cha. I'm looking forward to SLEEPING in tomorrow. Yeah-UH.
>>>Cha

(5).orders. can i take your order?

The One With SATs [08 Oct 2004|07:33pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

>>>I gotta take my SATs 2morrow...cha
>>>I don't think I'll do well.
>>>At least I'll save my parents a lot of cheddar by not going to college
>>>We ALL know Cerritos wouldn't turn me down.
>>>That'd be sad if they did huh?
>>>I did get my grade changed in AP though.
>>>Hooray. Not that it makes any difference
>>>I'm not sure if I'm gonna go 2 Homecoming or not. I've never gone to homecoming before. If I go to homecoming I'm not gonna go to Winter Formal cuz it's gonan be too expensive yo and I don't have money coming out of my ass. Plus I've been there, screwed that cha know?
>>>But I do plan on getting wasted at Prom and giving some stupid hott guy named Bubba my flower. The way it should be, cha?
>>>Happy Friday

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